Good Day/ Bad Day. One more off the nest.

My eyes burn, my chest feels tight, it is hard to get a deep breath. I feel dull and foggy. I took quite a blow today.
My Motherhood hurts.

And, it hurts because my Motherhood is this large chunk of my heart, and brain, and soul...as well as my most important job. The grand irony of the job, 18 years, so far,  has been loving and encouraging my child to be responsible, and kind, and thoughtful but smart, curious and confident, strongly individual without being divisive- ready to be an amazing human- and in doing my job, the job no longer exists as it did when I took it. I haven't exactly been fired... maybe laid off.

My Middlest is no longer of the nest. She is in College now.
And, she moved out. I mean, she packed up the stuff she wanted to take, packed up the rest of the stuff in her room, put it in storage, converted her room into a guest room and just like that... she's gone. 2 birds flown the coop, and I have a new guest room.

 So, I guess I should congratulate myself on successfully taking part in raising someone I will miss everyday. My girls have been too easy on me. They have been kind to me right through their teenage years, when I think that had they been salty, I could suffer less as they fly away.

 So, I'm gonna miss having this person around. By enlarging her world, mine feels a bit emptier and diminished. For those who get to share her now, you're lucky ducks, chuffed as chickens. And I did one thing right that I can think of, even this moment when I feel pretty sad- I got my photographer friend, Eileen Nixon, to take pictures of Middlest, just as she did of Eldest. Good plan, it helps on days like today.


I will go nurse my Motherhood, even though it can't ever heal. This job that is joy and a pain that started connecting nerve by nerve, cell by cell, day after day from the moment each of my children was born. A pain that got closer to arriving with each step, grade, achievement, lost tooth and new shoe size. And even though I doubted, a lot, that I was doing this job well, I think I did it as well as I could at the moment. I made mistakes I cannot forget (there was yelling) and I hope there were times I excelled. But this part of me, my Motherhood, has changed along with the days. And it will not mend into what it was yesterday, no more than you can put back that lost tooth or still find acceptance with a spoon of strained peas.
I'm to find solace in sending Middlest off to College as my job, well done.
Yes, well. I know it isn't done, just different now. But I miss it.


I love you, G.G.
Go get 'em.
Mom

Longwood Gardens with my Gardeners.

My parents are Gardeners. This, yes, with a capital "G". They have beautiful gardens, they create them for others and they enjoy touring gardens for inspiration and enjoyment. I am a gardener. Some days I aspire to being a Gardener, but my aspirations have me spread too thin over many areas to earn a capital.
Still, I enjoy the inspiration that comes from being around my Gardening parents and their Gardening friends. They even take Gardening vacations. Yep.
 One of the Gardens I have heard my parents speak of for years is called "Longwood Gardens". I was picturing something beautiful along the lines of the gardens at San Francisco's Golden Gate Park- which years ago got me inspired about Dahlias. But I was mistaken. Akin to comparing Kennywood Amusement Park to Disney World. They both have roller coasters- but they are not the same. 
Longwood is beyond a garden. It is a Garden.
Built by Pierre DuPont and family in the early 20th century, but constantly evolving, Longwood was, for me, a wonderful surprise.

 We paid our money for a entry ticket and wandered outside and a path to the right. This patio area was featuring quite a pile of palms for July. But the arches surrounding the patio wall are roses. This would be magnificent during the blooming season!

 Directly behind the round arched rose patio was this incredible lane. I was amazed by the fine proportions, the hedge and plantings in front of it, it felt leafy and tall, yet open. And, boy oh boy, do I need an edger. My garden's edges are not. They are constantly under assault by creeping weeds and scratching hens. Come to think of it, I did not see any hens at Longwood.

 Middlest, with Yummie and Poppie at the top of the walk. 

 And me, an' my girl. 

To the left of this long walkway, beyond the hedges are "rooms". Gardens that have different themes and feeling to them, all enclosed by a tall hedge. I loved the wisteria room and this sweet little room was a private little fountain room.

The way out of the Wisteria Room was through this grand arbor covered in wisteria.

 Quite an awesome tree house!

This is called the "Italian Water Garden". The fountains were not steady flow, but variable, sometimes shooting high, and then more softly.

We made our way out to this little garden folly, perfect for a morning with a book.

Or a Renaissance Princess...

Modern Day Princess? With Orange shoes?

My Mum, standing at the entrance to Peirce's Woods.


This is the Flower Garden Walk. It is a deeply bordered walk, laid out by Pierre DuPont in 1907. It is a 600 ft. long flower border that lies down the hill from the main house. Currently, the walk is laid out in a color blocked flower bed that begins with white, moves to yellow, orange, red, and then blue and purple.

It was full of wonderful flower combinations, and some plants new to me, like the Gomphrena below, in a variety called "Strawberry Fields".  I'm not usually fond of red flowers, but this one is so charming! I will look for it next spring to put in my own border garden.

Verbena bonariensis, begonias and hibiscus. 

This is the color I tend towards in my selection of flowers. I love the blues.

 A rare treat! A photo of my mother and me.

Considering the scope and size of Longwood, (926 acres)  the main house is rather unassuming. I was surprised to see this pretty, but not huge home.
But, because I came to Longwood, evidently, to be surprised, when we walked from the house to the Conservatory, I was- you guessed it- surprised. The "Conservatory" is like Versailles, but with a glass top. It is vast. And, this is where the DuPonts would entertain. With a ballroom, plenty of guest quarters, and everywhere, gardens.

The Green Wall is a newer addition to the Conservatory. It is the area where the bathrooms are located, each bathroom an individual room, with natural light, door opening in the Green Wall. It was a hot day, and standing close to the wall, your skin could feel the coolness provided by the plants.

The rooms in the conservatory are so lush, and change with the seasons, just as do the gardens.

This is a really remarkable room. I am standing in the main entrance, where the carriages would have delivered guests. The stairs in front of me lead onto a sunken marble floor that is currently flooded with water. It can be frozen for skating, or filled with water plants, or as in one photo, covered in floating berries and fruit to create a work of art.

This is a photo of the floor with floating fruit, green apples and red? making this pattern for a Christmas display.

There is a courtyard in the middle of the conservatory, that is filled with Lily Ponds.

I am familiar with water lilies and I have seen lotus plants- our friends, the Nixons, have beautiful ponds with both, but I had never seen these enormous disks! They are 5-6' in diameter and hold up to 100lbs across their surface, yet are paper thin.

I would love to have a pond at Cowfeathers. But have not yet found the energy to start digging. These are too grand for my house, but they certainly suit the DuPonts!

There is a multi-year, gazillion dollar renovation being done on the Main Fountains. This is what they look like from the carriage drive in front of the conservatory July 2016.

This picture is what they looked like before they started mucking about.

We will have to go back and see what they changed. I would love to go in another season too. Autumn would be "fallnominal". YukYuk.

Thank you Longwood and my Gardener parents. A Disney World I can see visiting again and again!

A summer wander of Wing-N-Wing.

One of the joys of this summer was a road trip with Middlest to see my parents at their beautiful home on Maryland's Eastern Shore. Their home is called "Wing-N-Wing", which alludes both to a sailing term (that is beyond my sailing knowledge, which, let's face it, is limited to "boat" and "sail"), and the wings that live on their property, attached to chickens and geese. 
 Sadly, it has been some years since I've managed to make the time to visit. Fortunately, my parents are better than I, so we have seen them!
Their home is so beautiful, what a setting! As it is right on the water, they keep kayaks and a sail boat for water sport. Middlest and Poppie headed out at first decent wind, Middlest piloting the boat, and Poppie on board, lying down, as his long body doesn't fit so well on the small Sunfish. Middlest is a decent sailor, (as all my children have turned out to be) thanks to lessons on the Chesapeake Bay in summers past. I am impressed with their sailing abilities, but I was also impressed that my Dad could still walk after lying prostrate on a boat.

Really? Does NOT look comfortable. Go Dad.

Also on the water, is an Osprey platform, on which an Osprey family have built their home. Several years ago, when my parents were somewhat new to the area, they received permission to put up a platform for the birds, and we were so excited when their platform was chosen by a pair! Now, there are many, many birds in their cove, and several platforms in the area nearby. So the air is full of their circling, and they are a constant voice from above.
 I think this is one of the "teen-aged" babies. I could not get any closer without them flying off the nest. You can see another platform in the background across the water. It, too, has a family.

Also, hanging out on the dock, or in the garden, or at the pool, or helping with a puzzle is my parent's new dog, Willa. I found Willa for them at my work, through a top-notch rescue called "Columbus Cocker Rescue". Willa has turned into an adorable, sweet, polite little dog. Petite and pretty, she is a wonderful addition to Wing-N-Wing.  

As I sat looking out at the water, watching my child and father disappear by boat, and then the Osprey disappear by wing, I looked back over my shoulder at the pretty house and decided to go for a little landlubber's walk with my camera while I waited for the sailors.

The water-facing back of the house.

 My mom is a brill designer, and manages to create engaging, layered spaces in which you want to spend time. The massive outdoor fireplace at the end of their long, wide back porch expands the outdoor season for dining, or card playing well into the fall. As it was properly July hot, we did not light the fire.

 I went to go see "the girls". My parent's beautiful, prize-winning flock of Border Leicesters.

For a brief moment, I missed our flock.
Brief.

Isn't this the sweetest old-lady-sheep face? 

 Sailors are still out in the cove a bit.

Back from my widow-walking, to look for other beautiful things.

My walk to the pool was accompanied by Willa. I brought home some of the bonariensis (purple flowers on antennae) and I hope mine reseed well at Cowfeathers. I cannot seem to get plumbago to grow, as my mother does.

 Flowers are a deep and abiding part of my mother's life. When I was a child, the fridge was likely to be full of flowers when you went to search for food. When I was in high school, she bought a florist's fridge, and we got our kitchen one back. But, everywhere in my mother's house there are thoughtful bits of pretty and life. This green chippy flower bucket is an antique back bucket, with leather straps, so you can put it on like a back pack when you go flower gathering, full of Queen Anne's Lace, white Phlox and white Caladiums.

 On another table is a gathering of Maidenhair Ferns. I can never get these to stay alive, but my mom always has a few around, looking happy. The school bell is another relic of my childhood. It was loud enough to call me to dinner- back from the woods, the creek, or from horseback in my wild forest-faerie childhood.

 I love towels on a line. It means happy summer swimming.

 Willa took me out to the Knot Garden, and a tour of the chicken houses.

And finally, the sailors are back, and the geese and Osprey have the cove back to themselves.