"I don't think I've ever heard those words from you, Mom."
"Nope! Probably not!"
But, the vet did come, and I had called him, because I don't float my own horse's teeth. I haven't floated teeth in, well, who knows? 20 years? And, a lot has changed since then.
Horses have teeth in the front of the mouth, the incisors, which they use to crop grass and remove parts of unsuspecting persons. These teeth are not the teeth that get "floated" so much. The target teeth for this activity is the cheek teeth.
See, there are teeth back there, in the jaw. Those are the teeth that crush up all the roughage- hay, grass, or, for my ponies, bedding, barn parts, lead ropes...etc.The teeth are "hypsodont". This means they erupt through the gum line when they are babies and lose their milk teeth, and then they grow continuously throughout their lives, eventually getting so short that they fall out when the horse is very old. This is when they are safest to put your hand into their mouths and feel around. Until then, the mouth is a dangerous and dark place.. Because the jaw moves in a circular motion and the teeth constantly grow, the idea is that the upper teeth and the lower teeth grind against each other, keeping them flat and perfecto.
Not all ideas are equal. Because the upper jaw is slightly wider than the lower jaw, the teeth actually tend to wear off so that the outside edge of the top teeth and the inside edge of the bottom teeth don't get as much grinding. Thus, they grow longer, and pointy.
Now, how do you know when your horse has teeth that need attention? Well, sometimes they drop grain out of their mouths, or chew with their heads to one side. Sometimes they buck. Sometimes they even are lame, or won't collect when you're riding. But the sure way to tell is to grab the horse's tongue, pull it out and to one side and then stick your other hand up into the mouth and feel around. Slicing your fingertips up a bit is a sure sign. Of course, there is the whole, fingers IN the mouth thing to think about.
Not always as easy as it sounds.
So, "back in the day", the process of teeth floating went something like this:
Step 1- grab tongue, feel around in mouth, with arm in there up to your elbow.
Step 2- if available, give horse butorphanol and xylazine to make him not kill you in steps 3-5
Step 3- holding up a hundred pounds of sedated horse head, grab tongue, pull out to side. Insert metal "float" at correct angle( as ascertained in step 1) to file off points on teeth.
Step 4- Whilst mopping brow frequently, move file back and forth with rapid motion and correct pressure to create smooth teeth surfaces. Attempt no grunting noises, as this alarms owner of patient.
Step 5- Change angle and repeat as necessary to get teeth all smooth.
Step 6: Collect $20.00 in trembling hand.
Step 6- 2 cups Epsom Salts in bath tub to unfreeze back, neck, shoulder muscles. Nice glass of wine recommended.
This is what a float looked like:
Well, Dr. Meuse has a much better method. It looks more like this:
It involved sedation too. Other than that, pretty much everything else has improved.
The horse wears a mouth speculum that keeps the jaws open wide (a real finger-saver there), and you wear a head lamp that shines LIGHT into the mouth. You can actually SEE what you're doing. Then, there is this complicated looking drill/gun/dremel thing attached to a vacuum. So, there is a disc that spins on the bottom of a wand. The disc is protected by the wand from injuring tissues you don't mean to rasp down. Then, the trigger makes the disc go 'round, really fast, causing tooth smoke. But the vacuum attachment even keeps that out of the line of sight. There is even a padded stand to prop the horses head up, kind of like the "Y" of a slingshot. In this photo, there was a pulley system, but the "y" is more portable, certainly. It was raining ( Imagine!), so there may have been some mist in the barn air, but I don't think Dr. Meuse even broke a sweat. He doesn't charge $20 either. Better through technology-
Brilliant!
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